Walking the decks of the doomed cruise liner The Eternal Virgin are impostors, assassins, innocents, and a few who can claim to more than one. Recent college graduate and trained killer Amynta Farce is a little of all three, and between the Farce, Marshall, and Wakefield families aboard, tensions and confusion peak as the passengers learn that no one, even those closest to them, are who they claim to be.

After meeting a mysterious waiter on the Virgin’s decks, Amynta sets a sinister chain of reveals into motion that unfold as fast as a supposedly sturdy boat can sink.

Through their manic attempts to find the truth onboard and around the globe, the three families discover that their home-spun farce is just as dark as it is entertaining. Narrated by an undisclosed but occasionally well-informed journalist, the account of the would-be killers spans the bounds of the globe and the reader's capacity for fun (with a side of blood, of course).