Jamie is crushing on Hudson. Someone too-gross-to-be- named is crushing on Jamie. And Hudson is crushing on . . . Princess Turd of Turdsylvania (a.k.a. The Prettiest Girl in the World). Middle school may be grim, but it's no fairy tale. And crazy doesn't even begin to cover it.

"Dear Dumb Diary,
I got another poem today from You-Know-Who
'She is the fairest blossom, true,
She blooms in any weather.
But I must love her from afar.
We'll never be together.'

Signed,
M.P.

Can you believe the pain he's in? His suffering? The crushing heartache he endures every time he sees me? Gosh, it just makes me so happy "