I'm not a novelist. I write like I read: one piece of the multi-topping pie at a time. Tackle me right up front, hold me close, make some magic, then reveal your tricks at the end. I want to read the literary equivalents of greenstick fractures. Make me laugh, make me upset, make me never wish that the time I spent reading your book might've been better spent finally fixing that errant sump pump.

Give me twenty coat-pulling chapters once, not one pocket-picking chapter twenty times.